


TV Remote

by phoreverphan



Series: Ficmas 2017 [7]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Crack, M/M, phan!crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 07:29:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13095327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoreverphan/pseuds/phoreverphan
Summary: Phil’s soul has been implanted into a TV remote. Probably.





	TV Remote

**Author's Note:**

> i apologize in advance for this

Dan was in shock. There were so many phanfics where Phil died and Dan was left alone, and now it had actually happened.

Phil had just gone out to buy groceries (because Dan was too lazy) and then he hadn’t come back. Dan had tried to call Phil. No response. He’d waited an hour, then two, with no word. Eventually he tried 999. They knew nothing about it.

To Dan, love was the paralyzing fear of losing someone from your life. He lived in constant fear that people he loved would be taken from him with no warning. As much as he joked about being afraid of trees and moths, he was more scared of this than everything else put together. He was living a nightmare. One that he would be stuck in forever.

And so here he was. Sitting in the sofa crease, trying to convince himself that Phil was sitting next to him. That everything was okay. He was watching back all of Phil’s videos, doing his best to fill the hole that Phil’s absence had left in him.

Dan clicked on Phil is not on fire 6. It had been one of his favorites to film, and now he was choosing to watch it, because they had both seemed so, well, alive.

The American anthem. That poor snake. Dan found himself almost smiling.

“The year is 2087. What does Phil is not on fire 79 look like?”

Dan’s eyes widened, remembering what happened next.

The video cut to Dan with a hat in a scarf. Sad music was playing in the background.

“It’s been sixteen years since Phil died. I am very alone these days.”

Dan bit his lip, his breathing getting shaky for the third time in an hour. If only he had known just how soon this scene would become reality.

“That’s so sad! What are you doing?”

Phil’s voice, along with his own laughter resonated from the laptop rested on Dan’s knees. They were so happy back then. So carefree.

“What’s your interpretation?”

“Phil’s soul has been implanted into a TV remote!”

Dan rolled his eyes a bit. Wouldn’t that be great? If Phil was really there the whole time, but in the form of a TV remote? Why had they joked so much about this in the video? This was–  
There was a small thump. Dan looked down. The TV remote had fallen off the table.

Dan didn’t consider himself superstitious. That was more Phil’s domain. But maybe he could just this once make an exception…

He leaned over and picked up the remote.

“Hello? Phil? Is your… is your soul in there?”

Under normal circumstances, Dan would have laughed at the absurdity of what he was doing. The situation was far too dire for that. Dan closed his eyes, holding the remote up close to his ear.

“Phil? Phil, I know you’re in there, come on!”

He waited.

“Oh, hi Dan.”

That was Phil, all right. Dan would know his voice anywhere.

“Phil! What happened?”

“Oh, the tube, you know how it is.”

Why was he being so nonchalant about dying? And why did it seem like Phil’s voice was coming from behind him? Oh well, it probably had something to do with the way souls worked. It was whispering in his conscience or something.

“Oh, Phil, I’m so sorry. But I’m glad you’re here now. I was so worried.”

“Oh, yeah, I’m fine, sorry I scared you!”

Wow, this soul implantation thing was really cool. It really felt like Phil was sitting on Dan’s lap right now. And now the voice was coming from in front of him, where Phil’s head would be if he was still alive. This was high-tech.

“I’m just glad you’re okay. Although it is a little strange that you’re a remote. It might make it hard to have sex, but I’m sure we can figure out something.”

“Wait, what do you mean?”

Why was Phil confused? This made a lot of sense to Dan. Maybe he just didn’t understand the logistics of sex?

“Well I mean, I could just use you as a dildo, it would be the same as you fucking me, right? I mean I guess it might not be as sanitary, but that’s just something we’re gonna have to work around.”

It felt like Phil was getting off his lap. Why?

“No, Phil, don’t go! Please! We don’t have to have sex!”

“Dan, are you okay?”

“What do you mean ‘Am I okay?’ You’re the one who’s dead!”

“What are you talking about? Dan, I’m right here.”

“Yeah, IN A REMOTE.”

“What are you on about? Open your eyes!”

Dan opened his eyes. There was Phil, standing in front of him, looking very concerned.

“Wow, this soul to remote thing is really high tech, I feel like I can see you.”

“That’s because you can see me! I’m not dead, the tube just got stuck and I didn’t have reception so I couldn’t call you and tell you. Did you really think my soul had been implanted in a TV remote??”

“It was your fault. You warned me this might happen.”

“This was– this was my fault. Dan, you need to go to bed RIGHT NOW.”


End file.
